Change. This was a word, which I really struggled to come to terms with myself and how I would go about with my day to day life. It is something that I really feared right from the time I was born, I attended school, spent all my life in UAE, and then moved to Goa for my higher studies. All through my life, I had gone through a lot of instances and situations that really challenged me and my own beliefs and at times even my own value systems, which I would often find incompatible with the rest of the people and the society in general. I struggled to maintain my own self-identity while at the same carry on with my day to day life and the situations I had to face as part of growing up. To mention a few instances from life in UAE, two times in my life I had faced situations where I was emotionally tormented by my own peers and people around me. At that time, I was not bold and courageous enough to face the same people for fear of the consequences of the action if I had to undertake. This had severely affected the way, I had formed relations with the people around, and in the process I had formulated those thoughts with the aspect of fear in my mind while I made friends with the people around me. Often at times, even as I had reiterated in my previous writeup of 'Rediscovering The Perceptionist', I often felt that my voice was somehow trapped or frozen in the depths of my heart and my mind, and I quite often at times yearned for that voice to be heard somewhere, in some form or a medium that I felt or I desired was the best. Making friends with people all around and having friend groups was a futile attempt to be able to get people to have the same perspective or the same approach towards life as myself. As I had discovered later on through my life in UAE, I preferred making friends with a few or scattered people all around mostly people who felt left out or rejected and with whom I found myself a commonality in that regard. That is how I carried on, or passed on with my life in UAE- suppressed thoughts, suppressed emotions and feelings and more importantly an unheard voice that yearned to be heard in some way or the other.
The choice to come to Goa as I would personally admit, was not a choice of my own. It was a decision that my family had taken on account of my aging grandmother and also the circumstances that accompanied it. Goa for me personally, was a total alien or a strange land to comprehend with as first and foremost, I was not born and brought up in the state. I would often come for summer or winter holidays and in the process even meet the people all around- be it our friends, our relatives or any of the close people I desired. But I never really dealt as much with the locals or the people all around. As a result when I did come to Goa, I faced a lot of challenges such as first and foremost the language barrier as I couldn't understand when people would speak in Konkani, I was not able to associate with them- I felt lost and often abandoned because of my social and cultural differences, my perspectives on life and my outlook towards day to day situations. I often found myself lonely in the midst of all my peers and classmates who had their own groups, while I was all by myself. To compound on that aspect, I was also facing certain struggles in my own personal life in regards to the transportation, the way society was arranged and structured, the caste and class differences, the cultural norms and value systems. Besides that I often faced a lot of struggles in the household when it came to adjusting with how things would go about as usually, I would spend time with my own family- my mother, father and sister, but now with my father absent from the picture, I felt totally lost and just could not comprehend with what the reality had in store for me. What made it even more challenging was also the people all around such as neighbors who know each and every aspect of your life- which was not the same back in U.A.E with everyone minding their own business and not 'caring a damn' of what was happening in your life as well as constant comments made by family friends of the decision I had taken in my life along with family. These were some of the challenges and it would be really perplexing to know what you will read next on this article.
It took me at least about two years to accept Goa, to accept the land, to accept the mindset and the value systems of the people of the land in which I was totally alien to. I personally as a matter of fact, respected the values, the beliefs and more importantly the language of the people though I couldn't understand it and still cannot understand it cause as a generally accepted fact, the language is supposed to define who a true local is- by heart and identity. This was my worldview or the way I looked at life as I was handling all the challenges that life had to offer me here in Goa, but what was really surprising to note as I document it here on this blog was that it had really brought a change in perspective or the way I would look at my own life carrying forth. Through my coming here in Goa, I started this blog as previously mentioned on 'Rediscovering the Perceptionist' which allowed me to explore different social issues and also venture out into short story telling which in a way I felt opened up my mind and also allowed me to look at life from the perspectives of others. Coming to Goa even allowed me to discover who I truly was and who I was meant to become in the whole process which I am really grateful for, and by looking at hardships as a way to become a better version of myself, I was able to go through all these challenges and become a better person- a better human being. I do not of course narrow down and look down upon the challenges and hardships that really defined who I was once upon a time, but I keep that in my mind and acknowledge who I truly became in the end, as well as the fact that the life of every human being is full of challenges and circumstances. It is indeed the challenges that really shape us or form us into who we are destined to become in the end. Quite often at times, we resent the views of others when we find them contradictory or opposing to our own worldviews, but by offering another chance to the views of others, we are able to explore and in the process go at great depths to examine the true meaning and heart of everything we do at our day to day life. There were some great people who brushed passed me through college years in Goa, but regardless to say even though if they do end up reading this article, my heart goes out to them as well for also being a part or forming a part of who I am today or who I have become, even if it might be in a small way. There is really a lot that I can say about how coming to Goa changed me, how it has helped bring the true version of me and helped me discover more about myself in the process, but I wouldn't want to go into great detail. But rather, I would just like to leave you with a message to reflect upon: "Life is full of great challenges and circumstances to overcome, and overcoming them is what really makes you stronger and discover the true meaning of your life".
I really hope you were left with an inspirational message that I had to share across, and on the note I would like to conclude my blogpost:)
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